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A guy with your IQ
should have a low voice too!
A half-wit gave you a
piece of his mind, and you held on to it.
A sharp tongue is no
indication of a keen mind.
After meeting you, I've
decided I am in favor of abortion in cases of incest.
And there he was:
reigning supreme at number two.
Any friend of yours ...
is a friend of yours.
Any similarity between
you and a human is purely coincidental!
Anyone who told you to
be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.
Are you always so stupid
or is today a special occasion?
Are you brain-dead?
Are your parents
siblings?
As an outsider, what do
you think of the human race?
As useless as rubber
lips on a woodpecker. ~ Earl Pitts ~
Before you came along we
were hungry. Now we are fed up.
Better at sex than
anyone, now all he needs is a partner.
Brains aren't
everything. In fact, in your case they're nothing!
Calling you stupid would
be an insult to stupid people.
Can I borrow your face
for a few days while my ass is on vacation?
Careful now, don't let
your brains go to your head!
Converse with any
plankton lately?
Diarrhea of the mouth;
constipation of the ideas.
Did the mental hospital
test too many drugs on you today?
Did you eat paint chips
when you were a kid?
Did your parents ever
ask you to run away from home?
Did your parents have
any children that lived?
Do you ever wonder what
life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?
Do you have to leave so
soon? I was about to poison the tea.
Do you want do die
stupid?
Don't feel bad. A lot of
people have no talent!
Don't get insulted, but
is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?
Don't let your mind
wander -- it's too little to be let out alone.
Don't mind him. He has a
soft heart and a head to match.
Don't thank me for
insulting you. It was my pleasure.
Don't think, it may
sprain your brain!
Don't you have a
terribly empty feeling ---- in your skull?
Don't you love nature,
despite what it did to you?
Don't you need a license
to be that ugly?
Ever since I saw you in
your family tree I've wanted to cut it down.
Every girl has the right
to be ugly, but you abused the privilege.
Everyone is gifted. Some
open the package sooner.
Excellent time to become
a missing person.
Fat? You're not fat,
you're just ... fat.
For two cents I'd give
you a piece of my mind - and all of yours.
Forgot to pay his brain
bill.
Go fart peas at the moon
!!
Grasp your ears firmly
and remove your head from your ass.
Has reached rock bottom
and shows signs of starting to dig.
Has the IQ of lint.
He can open his mail
with that nose!
He can think without
moving his lips!
He comes from a long
line of real estate people -- they're a vacant lot.
He does the work of
three men: Moe, Larry, and Curly.
He has a mechanical
mind. Too bad he forgot to wind it up this morning.
He has a mind like a
steel trap -- always closed!
He has more faces than
Mount Rushmore.
He has one brain cell,
and it is fighting for dominance.
He is always lost in
thought -- it's unfamiliar territory.
He is dark and handsome.
When it's dark, he's handsome.
He is depriving a
village somewhere of an idiot.
He is living proof that
man can live without a brain!
He is so conceited his
eyes behold each other perfectly.
He is so short his hair
smell like feet
He is so short, when it
rains he is always the last one to know.
He is so old that his
blood type was discontinued. ~ Bill Dana ~
He is the kind of a man
that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.
cold, hard, cracked, and
only gets plowed around the holidays.
He smells the coffee,
but can't find the pot / a cup.
He would be out of his
depth in a parking lot puddle.
He'd steal the straw
from his mother's kennel.
Hello - tall, dark and
obnoxious!
He's got that far away
look. The farther he gets, the better he looks.
He's just visiting this
planet.
He's so dense that light
bends around him.
He's so fat, he has the
only car in town with stretch marks.
He's so short he can sit
on a piece of toilet paper and dangle his feet.
He's the first in his
family born without a tail.
He's the only man who,
if told to screw himself, could do it.
He's the reason brothers
and sisters shouldn't marry.
Hey, act your age --
senile!
Hey, I remember you when
you had only one stomach.
Hi! I'm a human being!
What are you?
His brain waves fall a
little short of the beach.
His men would follow him
anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
His origins are so low,
you'd have to limbo under his family tree.
His personality's split
so many ways he goes alone for group therapy.
His suitcase doesn't
have a handle.
How did you get here?
Did someone leave your cage open?
How many years did it
take you to learn how to breathe?
I bet your brain feels
as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
I bet your mother has a
loud bark!
I can tell you are
lying. Your lips are moving.
I can't seem to remember
you name, and please don't help me!
I can't talk to you
right now; tell me, where will you be in ten years?
I certainly hope you are
sterile.
I could make a monkey
out of you, but why should I take all the credit?
I don't know what makes
you so stupid, but it really works!
I don't want you to turn
the other cheek. It's just as ugly.
I hear the only place
you're ever invited is outside.
I hear what you're
saying but I just don't care.
I hear you are an
officer. Your rank is - just plain rank!
I hear you changed your
mind! What did you do with the diaper?
I hear you were born on
a farm. Any more in the litter?
I hear you were born on
April 2; a day too late!
I heard that your
brother was an only child.
I heard you got a brain
transplant and the brain rejected you!
I know you are nobody's
fool but maybe someone will adopt you.
I know you're a
self-made man. It's nice of you to take the blame!
I know you're not as
stupid as you look. Nobody could be!
I like you. People say
I've no taste, but I like you.
I like your approach,
now let's see your departure.
I reprimanded my son for
mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.
I thought of you all day
today. I was at the zoo.
I understand you, but
thousands wouldn't!
I want nothing out of
you but breathing, and very little of that!
I will defend to your
death my right to my opinion.
I wonder how many angels
could dance on his head?
I worship the ground
that awaits you.
I would ask you how old
you are but I know you can't count that high.
I wouldn't piss in his
ear if his brain was on fire!
I'd hate to see you go,
but I'd love to watch you leave!
I'd like to give you a
going-away present ... but you have to do your part.
I'd like to have the
spitting concession his grave.
I'd like to help you
out. Which way did you come in?
I'd love to go out with
you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
I'd rather pass a kidney
stone than another night with you.
I'd slap you senseless
... but I can't spare three seconds!
If brains were rain,
you`d be a desert.
If I had a face like
yours, I'd sue my parents!
If I promise to miss
you, will you go away?
If I said anything to
you that I should be sorry for, I'm glad.
If I want any shit outta
you I'll squeeze your head.
If I want your stupid
opinion, I'll beat it out of you.
If I wanted to hear from
an ass, I'd fart.
If I were as ugly as you
are, I wouldn't say hello, I'd say boo!
If idiots could fly,
this would be an airport.
If ignorance is bliss,
you must be orgasmic.
If manure were music,
you'd be a brass band.
If sex were fast food,
you'd have an arch over your head.
If she was cast as Lady
Godiva the horse would steal the show.
If truth is stranger
than fiction, you must be truth!
If what you don't know
can't hurt you, she's practically invulnerable.
If you act like an ass,
don't get insulted if people ride you.
If you don't like my
opinion of you - improve yourself!
If you ever tax your
brain, don't charge more than a penny.
If you give him a penny
for his thoughts, you get change back.
If you stand close
enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
If you were a body of
water, you'd be a kiddie pool.
If you were twice as
smart, you'd still be stupid.
If your brain were
chocolate, it wouldn't fill an M&M.
Ignorance can be cured.
Stupid is forever.
I'll never forget the
first time we met - although I'll keep trying.
I'm blonde, what's your
excuse?
I'm busy now. Can I
ignore you some other time?
I'm going to memorize
your name and throw my head away.
I'm not as dumb as you
look.
In the land of the
witless, the half-wit is king.
Instead of being born
again, why don't you just grow up?
Is that your nose or are
you eating a banana?
It is mind over matter.
I don't mind, because you don't matter.
It is such a shame to
ruin such beautiful blonde hair by dying your roots black.
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